I watched You Can See Everything over the weekend, the buzzy new documentary from Nathan Fielder and Lance Oppenheim that follows Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes and her partner through her final weeks before prison.
No spoilers here. We watched it with family visiting from out of town, and the conversation lasted all through lunch. I kept drifting back to one stretch, where Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First?” comedy routine from the 1930s works its way into the story.
You know the bit even if you haven’t seen it in years. Costello wants to know the names of the players on a baseball team. Abbott tells him. The first baseman’s name is Who. The second baseman is What.
Every answer Abbott gives is correct.
That’s the genius of it. Nobody is lying. Nobody is being difficult on purpose. Costello asks a fair question, Abbott gives a true answer, and the two of them dig the hole deeper with every exchange.
Watch it again and notice the rhythm. Costello gets louder. Abbott gets more patient, which only makes Costello louder. The faster one spins, the harder the other plants his feet. Neither of them can see the loop, because each is busy being right.
Sound familiar?
Most couples don’t walk in saying, “We seem to be caught in a negative interactional cycle.” They walk in with the content. This week it's the fight about the dishes. The next session it's something about the in-laws followed by hurt feelings about the text that went unanswered. Each partner wants us to rule on who’s right, and the maddening truth is that they usually both are.
What the routine never has is a third person in the room. Someone who can lean in and say, gently, “Hang on. I don’t think you two are actually arguing about the first baseman.”
That’s the chair we sit in. It’s a harder seat than it looks.
Most of us left our Externship with the map. We could see the cycle on paper and name it in consultation. Seeing it while it’s happening is a different skill: one partner escalating, the other going quiet, and both turning to you for a verdict. It means slowing the moment down when every instinct says to hurry. It means listening to the music more than the lyrics.
That’s the work of Core Skills training, and Dr. James Hawkins is bringing it back to Columbus.
Abbott and Costello never did figure out who was on first. They didn’t need to because they were getting laughs.
Our couples don't have that luxury. They need someone who can spot the cycle, and wave them home.
That's something we can practice.
Core Skills Registration Is Open
Dr. James Hawkins returns to Columbus for Core Skills training in two 3-day workshops:
- Core Skills 1 & 2: January 28–30, 2027
- Core Skills 3 & 4: June 10–12, 2027
One registration ticket gets you into both blocks. Completing an EFT Externship is required. Space is limited to 20 attendees, and we expect these to sell out quickly.
Now on with this week's Ohio EFT Newsletter:
You’ve Heard Of Quiet Quitting. What About A Quiet Divorce?
By Jenna Ryu on October 26th, 2026
Marriages don’t always end with in-your-face blowout fights. Some fizzle slowly and silently over time.
Long Hours, Few Naps: The ‘Business Math’ Of Autism Therapy.
By Anna Wilde Matthews on October 26th, 2026
Medicaid plans and private insurers will often pay for up to about 40 hours of autism therapy a week. A Wall Street Journal investigation found Medicaid data that show some private-equity-backed chains billed far more hours than rivals; however companies say patient needs guide treatment.
Is Your Grown Child Pulling Away? These Are The Early Signs of Estrangement.
By Elizabeth Bernstein on October 26th, 2026
Research shows that pullback from parents often begins gradually. Spotting the stages can help with reconciliation, therapists say.
The Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call Is This Coming Friday, October 30th.
By Ohio EFT on October 26th, 2026
Join us at 9:00am this coming Friday, October 30th as we continue our discussion series about Emotionally Focused Therapy.
Last month we started at the beginning. This month we'll move into Step 2 of Stage 1's De-escalation process: identifying the negative interactional cycle. It's the moment couples start to see the pattern itself, instead of each other, as the problem.
Hope to see you there!
My Fiancé Won’t Touch Me. Should I Still Marry Him?
By Lori Gottlieb on October 26th, 2026
New York Times Ask the Therapist columnist, Lori Gottlieb, advises a 65-year-old reader who loves her partner but is physically and emotionally unsatisfied.
His Mom Says She Needs A Wheelchair. His Secret Recording Revealed Otherwise.
By Razzan Nakhlawi on October 26th, 2026
Letter writer’s husband became suspicious because of his mother’s secretive and defensive behavior.
Are Psychedelics Going Mainstream?
By Erica Sloan on October 26th, 2026
I don’t know where the future of psychedelics is headed, but one thing is clear: the scene isn’t relegated to the counterculture anymore. Meet the doctors, scientists and even PTA moms turning to drugs to enhance their minds.
My Sister May Have Visited Me After Death. Turns Out There’s A Term For It.
By Mark Wagner on October 26th, 2026
After my sister’s death, I found her again — in my yard.
Old Enough For A Driver’s License? They’re In No Rush.
By Lisa Blum on October 26th, 2026
Gen Z teenagers are no longer racing toward this rite of passage. What’s the hurry, with so much of their lives happening online?
