I was in group supervision on Saturday when the topic turned to assessments, and it sent me down a familiar rabbit hole. We were talking about the tools we reach for early in couples work — the ones that help us understand not just what a couple is fighting about, but what they're really longing for underneath all that noise.
One of my current go-tos is the A.R.E. Questionnaire, adapted by Rebecca Jorgensen, Ph.D. from Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight. It measures how couples experience Accessibility, Responsiveness and Engagement. The "A" is framed around a deceptively simple question: Can I reach you? Will you pay attention to me? There are two versions of the first accessibility item. One asks: "I can get my partner's attention easily." The other flips it: "My partner can get my attention easily." Same question. Different angle. Both of them land.
Because in a lot of the couples I see early in treatment, the honest answer to both is a quiet, defeated no. One partner has stopped trying to get through. The reason they've stopped is often sitting right there on the coffee table: a phone, face-up, screen glowing. The A.R.E. materials actually name this directly — in the age of social media, we are accessible all the time, and yet these are often the very things that disconnect us, sending the message that something else is more important. That's not a tech critique. That's an attachment wound.
There's something deeply ironic about it. Social media is a giant "look at me" machine — Instagram posts and Facebook updates are bids for attention at scale. And yet the couples sitting across from me are starving for the one person's attention that actually matters. Researchers have long called this the "attention economy" — the idea that our focus has become a commodity harvested by algorithms that are very good at their jobs. When a client circles a low number next to "I can get my partner's attention easily," they're naming the same thing in the language of attachment: I reach for you and you're not there.
This is where EFT has something the attention economy doesn't — a framework for making those bids visible. In Stage 1, we help couples see that the pursue-withdraw cycle isn't really about who's on their phone too much. When we can slow that down and help one partner say I just want to know I matter to you — and help the other actually hear it — something shifts. The assessment isn't the therapy. But naming the longing, even in a scored questionnaire, is sometimes the first step toward reaching for each other instead of reaching for the phone.
Now, on with this week's Ohio EFT Newsletter:
Inside The ‘Financial Infidelities’ That Tear Marriages Apart.
by Gunjan Banerji on April 27th, 2026
It has never been easier to conceal unsavory spending from a spouse. Divorce—and significant financial damage—can follow.
Research Reveals That The Deepest Loneliness After 65 Comes Not From Empty Houses But From Full Ones.
by Marlene Martin on April 27th, 2026
A new report says the loneliest people over 65 aren't the ones who live alone they're the ones who wake up next to someone every morning and have nothing left to say because forty years of shared life became forty years of shared logistics.
2 Great Options For Ethics CE Trainings For Couples Therapists This Month.
by ICEEFT TopicBox on April 27th, 2026
Ethically Choosing a Secrets Policy for Couple Therapy (3 APA CES Approved)
Date: Friday, May 29, 2026
Time: 9 AM – 12 PM EST (6 AM – 9 AM PST)
Price: $97
Learn about the 4 secrets policies, pros & cons of each, and how to navigate ethical dilemmas around secret keeping in couples therapy.
Register here: https://pages.communicateandconnect.com/products/secretspolicies052926
Ethically Billing Insurance for Couple Therapy (OON & INN) (3 APA CES Approved)
Date: Friday, May 29, 2026
Time: 2 PM – 5 PM EST (11 AM – 2 PM PST)
Price: $97
Explore ethical considerations for insurance billing, diagnosing, treatment plans, and more!
Register here: https://pages.communicateandconnect.com/products/ethically-billing-insurance-0526
Both trainings are live, interactive, and CE-approved (3 APA Ethics CEs each)– perfect for boosting your confidence and clarity in ethical practice.
~ Columbus, OH - August 5th - 8th ~
Early Bird Registration For Our EFT Externship With Dr. James Hawkins Ends This Friday!
by Ohio EFT on April 27th, 2026
Every couples therapist should attend an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Externship!
If you work with couples or want to feel confident helping partners repair, reconnect, and rebuild trust, this is the place to begin.
The 4-day immersive training introduces therapists to the science, structure, and clinical techniques of EFT, one of the most research supported approaches for helping couples heal relationship distress.
Developed from attachment science, EFT helps therapists understand the underlying emotional patterns driving conflict and provides a clear roadmap for guiding couples toward secure bonding, emotional safety, and lasting change.
The externship is not just lectures. It’s an experiential learning experience where therapists learn through:
• Live lectures and teaching
• Observation of a real EFT session with a couple
• Video demonstrations of EFT interventions
• Breakout groups and experiential role-play practice
• A step-by-step clinical roadmap for working with couples
For those interested in specializing in EFT, externships are the first foundational step in the pathway toward becoming EFT certified.
Many therapists say the externship transforms the way they understand relationship distress, allowing them to effectively help couples, their families, and communities.
This August the Ohio EFT Community is honored to host Dr. James Hawkins, PhD, LPC "Doc Hawk", an ICEEFT certified EFT trainer, supervisor, and therapist known internationally for his work helping therapists deepen relational healing in couples, families, and communities.
@doc_hawk_lpc brings deep clinical experience, passion for attachment-based therapy, and powerful teaching that makes EFT come alive for clinicians.
If you want to:
• Feel more confident working with couples
• Understand the emotional cycle beneath conflict
• Help partners create secure, lasting connection
• Strengthen your own relationships…this training will change the way you practice therapy.
Join the Ohio EFT Community for this powerful learning experience at THE Ohio State University!
Early Bird Registration ends May 1st. Click here to sign up!
How To Use Habit-Stacking To Reach Your Health And Wellness Goals.
by Carolyn Todd on April 27th, 2026
Habit-stacking, a technique that’s gotten a lot of attention in recent years, can create a structured and effective routine when motivation alone isn’t enough.
Seven Surprising Clauses Couples Are Putting Into Their Prenups.
by Dalvin Brown on April 27th, 2026
Who keeps the crypto in a divorce? Who keeps the embryos? More Americans prefer to figure it out before tying the knot.
The Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call - Friday, May 29th.
by Ohio EFT on April 27th, 2026
Join us at 9:00am on Friday, May 29th as we begin discussing EFT Stage 3.
In this final stage, the partners start to merge and reinforce or consolidate the new ways they’ve learned to handle the challenges that arise within the relationship, as well as those they may each experience internally.
We’re almost done with all 9 steps and this month’s call will focus on Step 8; helping both partners create new narratives or stories about their relationship, as well as new and more constructive solutions to the problems they’ve encountered.
We’ll provide the link to the May call in the next edition of the newsletter.
Before Cutting Off A Family Member, Ask Yourself These 9 Questions.
by Joshua Coleman on April 27th, 2026
For some, distance is necessary. For others, the harder — and sometimes more meaningful — work is figuring out how to stay.
We’re All Talking to Each Other Less Than We Did a Decade Ago.
by Julie Jargon on April 27th, 2026
Texting, online ordering and tuning out with AirPods means fewer chances to talk to loved ones and strangers alike
