While watching another epic fireworks display in Michigan this past weekend, I was reminded of how often couples tell me there’s no spark between them. “No fireworks when we kiss,” one of them recently admitted. The idea reignited the investigative journalist in me, and I decided this week to do a deep dive into exactly what happens in the brain when smooching your sweetie sets off literal explosions in your brain.
When you kiss, your brain doesn't just light up like a Christmas tree; it becomes a full-blown fireworks factory. The star of this show is your mesolimbic reward pathway, which sounds fancy but is basically your brain's cocaine highway. Dopamine floods from your ventral tegmental area to your nucleus accumbens (the brain's pleasure center), creating the same neural fireworks as addictive substances. But here's where it gets really trippy: those 200 nerve endings in your lips—that's 200 times more than your fingertips—send signals to your somatosensory cortex, which devotes disproportionate real estate to lip sensation. Meanwhile, oxytocin (the "love hormone") floods your system, creating those warm, fuzzy, "I want to build a blanket fort with you" feelings.
The "fireworks" metaphor isn't just poetic license—it's neurologically accurate. When you kiss, your brain creates what scientists call "supralinear neural responses," which is fancy talk for "the whole is way more explosive than the sum of its parts." Multiple sensory inputs converge in your brain's association areas, creating cross-modal binding that makes normal sensory boundaries go poof. Think about what happens when you watch fireworks: those involuntary "ooohs" and "ahhs" occur because your brain is processing unexpected bursts of color against darkness, creating anticipation and surprise that triggers the same reward pathways activated during kissing. The unpredictability of when the next explosion will happen, the vibrant sensory overload, and that collective gasp of delight? That's your brain responding to the same pattern of novelty, beauty, and surprise that makes a great kiss unforgettable. Add in adrenaline surges, blood vessel dilation, and a cocktail of endorphins, and you've got yourself a legitimate neural explosion. Your brain literally co-activates the circuits for explosive visual imagery while processing the actual physical sensations.
From an EFT perspective, this neurochemical light show serves a crucial attachment function. Those dopamine hits create motivation and focused attention on your partner, while oxytocin builds trust and emotional safety—the cornerstones of secure attachment. The serotonin dip (similar to what happens with OCD) explains why new love feels so obsessive and all-consuming. Your brain is essentially rewiring itself for pair bonding, using the same ancient mammalian circuits that keep bonobos choosing their favorite partners for life. So the next time someone tells you that your relationship is "just chemistry," you can smile and say, "Actually, it's advanced neuroscience with a side of evolutionary psychology." Because understanding the beautiful complexity of how our brains are wired for connection helps us appreciate not just the fireworks, but the deeper truth that we're literally designed to attach and bond with the one that makes our heart (and brain) go BOOM.
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
The Best Relationship Advice We’ve Heard So Far This Year.
by Catherine Pearson & Jancee Dunn on July 7th, 2025
These expert tips on how to argue, communicate and grow closer with the people you love could make for stronger bonds.
7 Ways To Get A Feel-Good Fix Of Hormone Oxytocin.
by Stacey Colino on July 7th, 2025
Keeping in tune with this week’s essay… Many people have that I-need-a-hug feeling these days. Here are surprising ways to stimulate the release of oxytocin — without a hug.
Feeling Betrayed By A Family Member? Here’s How To Cope.
by Lesley Alderman on July 7th, 2025
Although you and your husband might never totally get over this betrayal, there are positive steps both of you can take to mitigate the hurt and move on.
To Share Or Not To Share? How Location Sharing Is Changing Our Relationships.
by Modern Love on July 7th, 2025
At age 50, Arlon Jay Staggs knew it was time to stop sharing his location with his mother, but with everything his family was going through, he just couldn’t figure out how to tell her. Listen to the 34 minute Modern Love podcast episode here.
EFT Fundamentals Workshop - Gathering in Akron, OH July 19th.
by Ohio EFT on July 7th, 2025
Attention all LPC, MFT, and LSW students, interns, and counselors interested in learning and applying Emotionally Focused Therapy: Please join us at Married Life Counseling July 19th, 2025 from 10am-5:15pm for the Fundamentals of EFT workshop! We'll learn together the basic tenets of attachment theory, the EFT experiential perspective, core EFT interventions and understand applications of EFT to all populations. Even if you've already taken Externship or Core Skills trainings, this is a great refresher course and opportunity to meet other local counselors pursuing this growing and highly sought after modality. Please click this link to register and then contact Christie Orosz at christie@marriedlifecounseling.com to rsvp that you'll be joining us Married Life for the day! Please feel free to reach out with any questions!
Our Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call Is Friday, July 25th.
by Ohio EFT on July 7th, 2025
Join us at 9:00am Friday July 25th for our continuing online discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. We’ll be talking about EFT & Trauma this month. Find the link in the next edition of the newsletter.
People Are Being Involuntarily Committed, Jailed After Spiraling Into "ChatGPT Psychosis."
by Maggie Harrison Dupré on July 7th 2025
The Futurist writes many ChatGPT users are developing all-consuming obsessions with the chatbot, spiraling into severe mental health crises characterized by paranoia, delusions, and breaks with reality.“I don't know what's wrong with me, but something is very bad”, says one user. “I'm very scared, and I need to go to the hospital.”
The Actor Who Documented His Grief—And Shared It With the World.
by Sophie Gilbert on July 7th, 2025
After his wife died two years ago, Richard E. Grant began to film himself talking about his bereavement, creating a remarkable record of life after loss.
What Makes Someone Cool? A New Study Offers Clues.
by Christina Caron on July 7th, 2025
Six traits can determine your ‘it’ factor, according to researchers who measured coolness around the globe.
