It happens every year.
Near the end of May, I get a nostalgic rush about the end of the school year. The temperature approaches 70 degrees, sunlight washes through windows filtered through leaves that had been absent for months, and the scent of fresh-cut grass sets the soundtrack of a suburban summer. Joni Mitchell called it “the hissing of summer lawns” — sprinklers stuttering and starting.
These memories are from the late 1970’s in Bellevue, Nebraska. If you grew up in the midwest, you might have similar ones that bubble up this time of year.
A specific memory came rushing back when I found a photo album at my parents’ house earlier this year: the water balloon war in my front yard to mark the end of 6th grade.
There are two photos I keep coming back to. One is a close-up — me and my buddy Dale lugging a laundry basket full of water balloons, the whole afternoon still ahead of us. The other is the group shot: about a dozen 6th grade boys, clowning and posing before the battle.
I left Bellevue a year later. Most of those kids I’ve never seen again.
Looking at those photos, something clicked for me as a therapist.
Ryan Rana made a point on a recent We Heart Therapy podcast that I really resonated with me. The episode is called “How To Use Attachment History in EFT”. When he’s doing the individual attachment history early in treatment, he mentally tracks the client through a kind of timeline: that first day of kindergarten when their eyes are full of light, then middle school where you start to notice the weight, then high school where you can see them learning not to be so tender. He described it as watching what life has done to a person — and said it’s one of the most powerful tools a therapist has for building genuine empathy before the hard work begins.
He also noted that peer relationships are “the second front” — your first social system is at home, and the second opens up the moment you walk into school. Both shape you.
By the time someone walks into your office, their cycle behavior — how they pursue or withdraw under pressure — was likely already installed before age 10.
That kid clowning in the group shot? That’s who eventually ends up on the couch across from us.
This is why EFT asks us to go back before we go forward.
In the individual attachment history sessions, we’re not just gathering information. We’re doing something more like archaeology. Ryan’s organizing question — the one he returns to above everything else — is simply: did anyone ever show up in your most vulnerable inner world?
Not just someone who helped with homework. Someone who got in the pain with them. Someone whose eyes lit up when they walked in the room.
For some clients that answer comes easily. For others you have to dig. A math teacher. A neighbor. A grandparent two states away. Ryan said he’ll take whoever he can find — because that person, and the version of the client who emerged around them, is exactly who we’re trying to invite back.
The water balloon fight version of them is still in there. Latent, maybe. Protected, possibly. But not gone.
And when our clients can’t locate that version easily? That’s not a verdict. It’s a map.
Now, on with this week's Ohio EFT Newsletter:
Before ‘Couples Therapy,’ Orna Guralnik Helped Her Parents Work It Out.
by Marc Myers on May 26th, 2026
The clinical psychologist and lead therapist on the renowned Showtime/Paramount+ docuseries “Couples Therapy” discusses mediating problems between her mother and father, her two-chapter childhood and working with patients in front of the camera.
Is Therapy Tearing Us Apart?
by Jonathan Alpert on May 26th, 2026
Therapy promised Americans greater agency and insight. Instead, it delivered a more satisfying story about why someone else is to blame.
Stressing Over Something? These 3 Questions Can Help.
by Jancee Dunn on May 26th, 2026
You can use them to gain some perspective.
Join Us In Columbus This Summer!
EFCT Externship With Dr. James Hawkins - August 5-8.
by Ohio EFT on May 26th, 2026
Every couples therapist should attend an Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) Externship!
If you work with couples or want to feel confident helping partners repair, reconnect, and rebuild trust, this is the place to begin.
The 4-day immersive training introduces therapists to the science, structure, and clinical techniques of EFCT, one of the most research supported approaches for helping couples heal relationship distress.
Developed from attachment science, EFCT helps therapists understand the underlying emotional patterns driving conflict and provides a clear roadmap for guiding couples toward secure bonding, emotional safety, and lasting change.
The externship is not just lectures. It’s an experiential learning experience where therapists learn through:
• Live lectures and teaching
• Observation of a real EFCT session with a couple
• Video demonstrations of EFCT interventions
• Breakout groups and experiential role-play practice
• A step-by-step clinical roadmap for working with couples
For those interested in specializing in EFCT, externships are the first foundational step in the pathway toward becoming EFCT certified.
Many therapists say the externship transforms the way they understand relationship distress, allowing them to effectively help couples, their families, and communities.
This August the Ohio EFT Community is honored to host Dr. James Hawkins, PhD, LPC "Doc Hawk", an ICEEFT certified EFCT trainer, supervisor, and therapist known internationally for his work helping therapists deepen relational healing in couples, families, and communities.
@doc_hawk_lpc brings deep clinical experience, passion for attachment-based therapy, and powerful teaching that makes EFCT come alive for clinicians.
If you want to:
• Feel more confident working with couples
• Understand the emotional cycle beneath conflict
• Help partners create secure, lasting connection
• Strengthen your own relationships…this training will change the way you practice therapy.
Join the Ohio EFT Community for this powerful learning experience at THE Ohio State University!
Click here to sign up!
My Husband Is A Serial Cheater. Why Can’t I Leave Him?
by Lori Gottlieb on May 26th, 2026
The New York Times’s Ask the Therapist columnist, Lori Gottlieb, advises a reader who feels stuck despite a series of infidelities.
As A Millennial, I Loathed First-Date Dinners. Gen Z Changed My Mind.
by Lana Schwartz on May 26th, 2026
I’ve always recoiled at having dinner on a first date. Now, I’ve noticed younger people challenging the dating norms millennials like me had grown to accept.
The Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call - This Coming Friday, May 29th.
by Ohio EFT on May 26th, 2026
Join us at 9:00am this coming Friday, May 29th as we begin discussing EFT Stage 3.
In this final stage, the partners start to merge and reinforce or consolidate the new ways they’ve learned to handle the challenges that arise within the relationship, as well as those they may each experience internally.
We’re almost done with all 9 steps and this month’s call will focus on Step 8; helping both partners create new narratives or stories about their relationship, as well as new and more constructive solutions to the problems they’ve encountered.
Hope to see you there!
Do You Need A Divorce Financial Advisor?
by Molly Grace on May 26th, 2026
An advisor can help you plan for a new financial future during your divorce proceedings and after the ink has dried.
Marathons And Ultramarathons May Be
Linked To Colon Cancer. Here’s Why.
by Gretchen Reynolds on May 26, 2026
A small study found a surprisingly high incidence of precancerous polyps in young extreme runners, sparking controversy and concern.
