There's a phrase that gets passed around in therapy supervision rooms. You probably won't find it in a textbook, and nobody seems to know exactly who said it first. But if you've been in enough supervision, someone has probably dropped this bit of clinical folk wisdom on you at some point:
"If it's hysterical, it's historical."
The idea is simple: when a reaction feels wildly out of proportion to what just happened, something older is running the show.
I've been sitting with that phrase lately.
One of my clients has been in an on-again, off-again relationship for a long time. The fights are loud. Police have been called. Her partner cycles through the same predictable sequence — explosive anger, a hard cutoff on every form of contact, then a breezy "you mad?" text a few days later, as if nothing happened. And just like that, they're back.
Each rupture feels enormous to her. Each one feels like it might finally be the last.
And each time, she goes back.
This is the part where I want to pause and acknowledge something: the word "hysterical" has a complicated history. For centuries it was used almost exclusively to pathologize women's emotional responses — to dismiss what was real as irrational, even medical. That history matters, especially when a male therapist is the one invoking the phrase. I don't use it lightly.
But the clinical intuition behind it? That part holds.
What looks like "hysterical" — the intensity, the desperation, the inability to stay away — is almost never about the current moment. It's attachment data. It's the echo of something learned much earlier: that love is unstable, that connection can be yanked away, that the only way to survive a rupture is to repair it fast, at almost any cost.
EFT would say: that's not dysfunction. That's a nervous system doing exactly what it was taught to do.
The cycle my client is stuck in isn't random. It recapitulates something. The hot-and-cold, the abandonment-then-return — it maps onto an older emotional blueprint. The fights feel historic because, in some deep way, they are historic. This relationship is not just this relationship.
Which is also why the change I've been witnessing lately has been so meaningful.
She hasn't announced anything. She hasn't issued ultimatums. But over the past few weeks, she has quietly been bringing her belongings home from his place. One bag at a time. No drama. No scene.
She's writing a different ending — not by blowing things up, but by gently, incrementally, refusing to leave pieces of herself somewhere that doesn't feel safe.
That's not hysteria. That's not history, either.
That's her, finally, in the present tense.
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
How Some People Are Incorporating Movement In Their Therapy Sessions.
by Christina Caron on April 13th, 2026
Many different techniques fall under the umbrella of “somatic therapy,” which is gaining popularity.
What Happens To Your Health If You Stop Having Sex?
by Suzy Walker on April 13th, 2026
Nearly a third of people in the UK are sexually inactive – but could it be good for you or is it harmful to your overall wellbeing?
Some Of the Most Popular Graduate Degrees Don’t Pay Off Financially, Study Finds.
by Todd Wallack on April 13th, 2026
The report found advanced degrees in social work and psychology may have a zero to negative return, while medicine, law and pharmacy degrees show the highest return. Ohio was specifically referenced in the research.
~ Columbus, OH - August 5th - 8th ~
Early Bird Registration For Our EFT Externship With Dr. James Hawkins Ends May 1st!
by Ohio EFT on April 13th, 2026
Every couples therapist should attend an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Externship!
If you work with couples or want to feel confident helping partners repair, reconnect, and rebuild trust, this is the place to begin.
The 4-day immersive training introduces therapists to the science, structure, and clinical techniques of EFT, one of the most research supported approaches for helping couples heal relationship distress.
Developed from attachment science, EFT helps therapists understand the underlying emotional patterns driving conflict and provides a clear roadmap for guiding couples toward secure bonding, emotional safety, and lasting change.
The externship is not just lectures. It’s an experiential learning experience where therapists learn through:
• Live lectures and teaching
• Observation of a real EFT session with a couple
• Video demonstrations of EFT interventions
• Breakout groups and experiential role-play practice
• A step-by-step clinical roadmap for working with couples
For those interested in specializing in EFT, externships are the first foundational step in the pathway toward becoming EFT certified.
Many therapists say the externship transforms the way they understand relationship distress, allowing them to effectively help couples, their families, and communities.
This August the Ohio EFT Community is honored to host Dr. James Hawkins, PhD, LPC "Doc Hawk", an ICEEFT certified EFT trainer, supervisor, and therapist known internationally for his work helping therapists deepen relational healing in couples, families, and communities.
@doc_hawk_lpc brings deep clinical experience, passion for attachment-based therapy, and powerful teaching that makes EFT come alive for clinicians.
If you want to:
• Feel more confident working with couples
• Understand the emotional cycle beneath conflict
• Help partners create secure, lasting connection
• Strengthen your own relationships…this training will change the way you practice therapy.
Join the Ohio EFT Community for this powerful learning experience at THE Ohio State University!
Early Bird Registration Available Now. Click here to sign up!
How To Avoid Becoming Estranged From A Loved One.
by Elizabeth Bernstein on April 13th, 2026
A leading expert on family rifts describes what to do when a relationship between a parent and child is on the brink of breaking.
This Detox May Erase 10 Years Of Social Media Brain Damage, Researchers Say.
by Ariana Eunjung Cha on April 13th, 2026
Studies show that taking even short breaks could reverse measures of cognitive decline.
The Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call - Friday, April 24th.
by Ohio EFT on April 13th, 2026
Join us at 9:00am on Friday, April 24th as we explore EFT Step 7 -
facilitating the direct expression of newly identified attachment needs and emotions, leading to restructuring the couple's interactional pattern. This Stage 2 step focuses on creating "bonding events" where partners engage in compassionate, vulnerable communication rather than conflict.
Here’s a link to the call. Hope to see you there!
These Are Signs You May Be A ‘Placeholder Partner’ In Your Relationship.
by Michelle Vartan on April 13th, 2026
Do you feel like your partner is treating you as a Mr. or Mrs. Right Now? The red flags are easy to spot.
6 Things Men Need To Know About Mental Health.
by RJ Mackenzie on April 13th, 2026
It can be difficult for some men to know when they’re struggling — and when to seek help.
