Over the weekend I was reading an article about Cleveland being a stand-in for Metropolis in the new Superman movie re-boot when it hit me—we've all got our own version of kryptonite. For the Man of Steel, it's that glowing green rock that drains his powers and leaves him helpless. For couples? It's often something much more subtle but equally devastating: avoidance. Just like Superman doesn't see the kryptonite coming until it's too late, many couples don't realize how their pattern of dodging difficult conversations is slowly sapping the strength from their relationship.
The thing about avoidance is that it feels like a superpower at first. You sidestep an argument about money by suddenly remembering you need to walk the dog. You dodge a conversation about intimacy by getting absorbed in your phone. In the moment, it works—conflict avoided, crisis averted. But here's what Sue Johnson teaches us about attachment: when we consistently avoid the hard stuff, we're not protecting our relationship; we're starving it. Each time we turn away from our partner's bid for connection, we're essentially telling them they don't matter enough to fight for.
Last month, I had a couple in my office who'd perfected the art of avoidance. He'd shut down whenever she brought up feeling disconnected; she'd go silent when he tried to address their lack of physical intimacy. They'd become master deflectors, but their relationship was withering. As Johnson explains in her 2019 book "Attachment Theory In Practice," avoidance triggers our deepest attachment fears—that we're alone, that we don't matter, that love isn't safe. What looks like peace on the surface is actually a slow-motion relationship apocalypse.
The beautiful thing about EFT is that it shows us how to turn toward each other instead of away. When we can name our fears out loud—"I'm scared you don't need me anymore" or "I'm terrified of getting it wrong again"—we trade our kryptonite for real intimacy. Superman had to learn to recognize kryptonite and protect himself from it. Couples have to learn to recognize avoidance patterns and choose vulnerability instead. It's scarier than flying, but it's the only way to build the kind of love that actually lasts.
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
Why Marriage Survives.
by Ben Wilcox on August 4th, 2025
Reports of marriage’s demise are exaggerated. Rather quietly, the post-’60s family revolution appears to have ended. Divorce is down and the share of children in two-parent families is up. Read why this is happening - here.
I Asked Relationship Experts What Makes Marriage Last. Here’s What They Said.
by Susan Shapiro on August 4th, 2025
Advice includes: Love your spouse as they are, not who you hope they’ll be. Talk about sex. Don’t try to win arguments.
Why Women Are Weary of the Emotional Labor of ‘Mankeeping’.
by Catherine Pearson on August 4th, 2025
As male social circles shrink, female partners say they have to meet more social and emotional needs.
Finding Therapy in a Pool Lane.
by Jill Bialosky on August 4th, 2025
The tang of chlorine and the feel of water make the stresses and tragedies of life more manageable.
Why Mom Is Coming on the Honeymoon.
by Tara Weiss on August 4th, 2025
Couples invite their parents and other relatives on postwedding trips, saying there will be plenty of other time for passion; ‘I would do it 10 times over.’
How Your Diet Influences Your Colorectal Cancer Risk.
by Alice Calahan on August 4th, 2025
Diagnoses are climbing in young people. What you choose to eat may help reduce your chances.
EFT Fundamentals Virtual Workshop Led By Rebecca Jorgensen - Akron Meet-Up!
by Christie Orosz, MD on August 4th, 2025
Attention all LPC, MFT, and LSW students, interns, and counselors interested in learning and applying Emotionally Focused Therapy:
Please join us at Married Life Counseling October 3rd, 2025 from 10am-5:15pm for the Fundamentals of EFT workshop!
We'll learn together the basic tenets of attachment theory, the EFT experiential perspective, core EFT interventions and understand applications of EFT to all populations. Even if you've already taken Externship or Core Skills trainings, this is a great refresher course and opportunity to meet other local counselors pursuing this growing and highly sought after modality.
Please click the link below to register and then contact me at christie@marriedlifecounseling.com to rsvp that you'll be joining us at Married Life for the day. We'll provide refreshments and comaraderie- please reach out with any questions!
Our Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call Is This Coming Friday, August 29th.
by Ohio EFT on August 4th, 2025
Join us at 9:00am Friday, August 29th, for our continuing online discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. We’ll be walking our way through the 9 steps of EFT, starting with Step 1 this month. We’ll send out the link in our next newsletter.
Want More Self-Control? The Secret Isn’t Willpower.
by Christina Caron on August 4th, 2025
People who can delay gratification and master their impulses thrive in life. And experts say that you can learn skills to rein in bad habits.
