June remains one of the most popular months for weddings in America, accounting for roughly 12% of the more than two million ceremonies held annually. That translates to about 200,000 couples saying "I do" this month alone. But what happens after the honeymoon phase ends and real life begins?
This month, I've been sitting with couples celebrating wedding anniversaries—some marking their third year together, others reflecting on three decades of marriage. All are in betrayal recovery, working to rebuild trust that was broken. Their voices carry particular weight because they've seen marriage at its worst and are fighting to find its best.
The Grace Revolution
One client, married 29 years, said something that stopped me in my tracks: "Give grace. Certainly give grace." She explained how assumptions had poisoned their relationship for years. "Through life, you make a lot of assumptions. Probably mostly in your marriage and take offense to things."
In EFT terms, she's describing the shift from negative to positive cycles. Grace is the antidote to assumption-making—it's choosing to pause before assigning meaning to your partner's tone or expression.
The Over-Communication Solution
If there's one theme that emerged consistently, it's this: couples who survive talk more, not less. "Have hard conversations and communicate often," advised one spouse.
But many thought they were already good communicators. One husband reflected: "I undercommunicated when it was important because I just wanted to avoid conflict at all costs. I got to thinking that because I wasn't yelling and screaming that was a healthy way to handle conflict."
This man discovered what EFT research shows us: withdrawal can be just as destructive as criticism. The couples who make it learn that peace isn't the absence of conflict—it's the presence of emotional safety that allows you to work through conflict together.
The Vulnerability Paradox
Perhaps the most profound insight came from a spouse who said: "Don't be afraid to be yourself and be honest. Maybe you are afraid to speak of your dark side because you don't want them to know that vulnerable part of you. You fear they will reject you. But then you're not being an open book."
This captures the central paradox of intimacy: the very vulnerability we fear will drive our partner away is actually what draws them closer.
It's The Journey
The couple celebrating their longest marriage offered perhaps the simplest wisdom: "It's not about the destination, it's about the journey."
In a culture obsessed with storybook endings, this couple understands something essential: secure relationships aren't something you achieve once and maintain on autopilot. They're something you choose to build, day after day, conversation after conversation, repair after repair.
So here's my challenge to the 200,000 couples saying "I do" this month: start practicing these lessons now, while the champagne bubbles are still fresh. Don't wait for a crisis to learn how to give grace, communicate deeply, and embrace vulnerability. The couples in my office would tell you that these skills are much easier to build when you're madly in love than when you're trying to fall back in love. Consider it preventive maintenance for your happily ever after.
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
The Next Big Thing in Luxury Travel: A Family Therapist.
by Sara Ashley O’Brein on June 23rd, 2025
Wealthy parents are paying tens of thousands of dollars for a resort vacation with their children where they tackle family dynamics.
You Only Get Married a Few Times. Why Not Go All Out?
by Sarah Lyall on June 23rd, 2025
As the Jeff Bezos-Lauren Sánchez nuptials approach, a look at how second weddings went from low-key to lavish.
Stanford Research Finds That "Therapist" Chatbots Are Encouraging Users' Schizophrenic Delusions and Suicidal Thoughts.
by Maggie Harrison Dupré on June 23rd, 2025
What Is Tapping, and Can It Really Improve Mental Health?
by Christina Caron on June 23rd, 2025
If you’ve ever done a Google search for “EFT”, you’ve probably seen “Emotional Freedom Technique” - also known as Tapping - pop up. Proponents say that manually stimulating acupressure points can ease a variety of maladies.
The Problem of Marital Loneliness.
by Agnes Callard on June 23rd, 2025
The recent program “Scenes from a Marriage,” is on HBO, but it avoids the dark questions that Ingmar Bergman confronted in the original.
Our Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call Is This Friday, June 27th.
by Ohio EFT on June 23rd, 2025
Join us at 9:00am this coming Friday June 27th for our continuing online discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. This month we’ll be discussing the Finding Our Depth workshop. You won’t want to miss it! Here’s the link.
Real Risk to Youth Mental Health Is ‘Addictive Use,’ Not Screen Time Alone, Study Finds.
by Ellen Barry on June 23rd, 2025
Researchers found children with highly addictive use of phones, video games or social media were two to three times as likely to have thoughts of suicide or to harm themselves.
The Perfect Man Exists. He’s Called A ‘Book Boyfriend.’
by Jenny Singer on June 23rd, 2025
A “book boyfriend” — a literary hunk you pine for in real life — has been around for centuries. But today’s readers have taken this fantasy to a new level.
No, You Don’t Have To Wait 30 Minutes After Eating Before Swimming.
by Lindsey Bever on June 23rd, 2025
There is no known increased risk of drowning after eating, experts said.
